Today, after a very long wait, I was told I’ve been officially awarded a Master’s of Library Science, with distinction.
I actually cried at my desk at work. I’ve spent the past 7 years of my life, roughly, basing my self worth on my intelligence and ability to prove it. Today I feel like I’ve actually accomplished something I can be proud of. For the first time in my life, I might just believe I’m capable of achieveing great things.
I moved to another country, adapted to a new and very different pedagogical system, dealt with trials & frustrations, had amazing experiences, and loved my life fiercely. I had plans work out, and I also had plans fail.
I can genuinely say I am proud of the life I am building for myself here in London. and I am so excited to share it with the people I’ve met here. I’m so thankful to have such amazing friends and family who’ve supported me through this process, even when I was an absolute neurotic mess who constantly told everyone I had no idea what I was talking about and that I was going to fail.
Dear Self,
Guess what? You didn’t fail.
Love,
Erin
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It would seem a season of change is upon my life in more ways that I would have imagined a year ago. But mixed in with the heartbreak, grief, and anxiety also comes excitement and anticipation, because nothing is more renewing that rewriting your own story.
I, like many expats I’ve met in the past few years, uprooted my life and moved to a new country for love, among other things. And while my relationship may have ended, and I feel sadness and am mourning that loss, I am also filled with hope for the future, my future, one which I am crafting for myself every day. I have no regrets about the choices I have made over the past 3 years, and I have more amazing memories to keep with me than I can count.
If there is anything that this past year has taught me, it is that I am stronger, braver, and more capable than I will probably ever give myself credit for. I no longer need to be afraid of the future, because I can take care of myself, and make good choices for my life. As my mother is fond of saying, “No education is ever wasted.” and I have certainly had an education of the kind you can’t learn in school in the past 12 months.
I’m not done with London, not by a long shot. But I don’t feel anxiety about where life is going to take me. Where ever I end up in the future, I will always treasure my time in London. This city and I get along just fine.
With the holiday season swiftly approaching, I am looking forward to exploring this city from a new perspective, and I can’t wait to see what it has to offer me.
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